Category Archives: priorities
on why I’m too busy to blog
I’m too busy to blog because…
…my three year old needs to wear his underwear backwards every day.
“There’s more room that way” he explains.
And because…
…my 1 year old insists on getting this messy every time he eats.
You would think that was ice cream not all natural vanilla yogurt!
And because…
…I’m watching a little girl I know learn to be a good mommy.
And because…
…I’m going with this guy to his Blue and Gold Banquet.
And because…
…I’m helping her get ready for the big dance!
And because…
…I’m dancing with some of the coolest cats in town.
a new journey
This quote perfectly describes my new journey. I really didn’t think I would ever have the courage to start this journey but after watching this and this. I decided that it was time. No more excuses. I am going to do what I can to get my family headed in the right direction.
My explorations have begun with a TBR list that includes:
Deceptively Delicious Cookbook
In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto
100 Days of Real Food (blog)
Food Rules
A Short History of the American Stomach
We were pretty excited to add this to our kitchen:
Our new juicer!!!
We have tried two juices so far. We do a taste test and rate them:
The first juice (apple, celery, carrots) received 3 out of 5 stars.
The second (kale, parsley, cucumber, apple) received 2 out of 5 stars.
Because 99% of what we have in our pantry is highly processed and not REAL food, this will be a long process of transition. I have told the kids we are going to try and eat healthier. We have talked more about what we are putting into our bodies.
But I don’t want an all out revolt so I don’t tell them things like “that’s the last box of pop-tarts that we will be buying”.
The goal is to just keep adding in as much real, whole foods as possible so that our diets look like what humans are meant to eat.
I tend to procrastinate when I think I have a big project to tackle. Instead of viewing this as a “project” it has fallen under the “lifestyle” category.
Like homeschooling, I am convicted this is a direction our family needs to move in and I’m really excited about it!
top 10 reasons I limit screen time
I had this conversation with my unhappy 5 year old yesterday afternoon.
Theodore: “Can I play my tablet?”
Me: “No, you’ve already had your screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I play Parker’s Leapster?”
Me: “No, Theodore, you can’t have any more screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I watch Foster play his tablet?”
Me: “No, Theodore, no more screen time.”
Theodore: “That’s not screen time.”
Theodore: “Wait, what is screen time?”
Me: “If the t.v., tablet, computer, Wii or Leapster are on and you are looking at it – that is screen time.”
My top 10 reasons for limiting screen time for my kids:
- Screen time is like crack (or meth, or nicotine or caffeine). The more my kids have, the more they want. They’ll do anything for a fix. When they’re on it, the house could be on fire (or the baby could be crawling on top of a table about to knock over a lamp) and they wouldn’t even notice.
- Their world shrinks. Like I said in point number one, they block everything and everyone else out. They don’t answer questions, they don’t interact with the real people that are all around them. Even worse, if they take the screen out of the house with them they miss out on things like seeing scenery, watching me break the speed limit (not that I would do that) or having a conversation.
- It keeps them from being bored. Yes, I actually do want my children to be bored. I want them to feel boredom and then when they are tired of that feeling they are self-motivated to do something. In my house, if I hear you say “I’m bored” I help you out of your dilemma with additional school work or a chore.
- It turns their brains to mush. I won’t be quoting any scientific research here today to back that up. But I know there is a lot of it because I read all about it in my social work and psychology classes in college. More than other’s research, I depend on my own. I can tell a HUGE difference in how muddled my kids’ brains get when they have spent hour upon hour with their eyes glued to a screen.
- They form unrealistic expectations. My 8 year old son got a tablet for Christmas from his grandad. One of the apps is some sort of racing game where you are chased by the police. As we were sitting in traffic the other day, running late (as usual) Foster says “Mommy you should just bash into the car ahead of us and run the red light.” Which then prompted a conversation about why that probably wouldn’t be the wisest choice to our dilemma.
- It feeds their already impatient nature. Playing a game on a screen is so much different than playing with an actual board and pieces and other real human beings. When you make a good move, we might say “hey, good job” but you aren’t going to see fireworks in our living room. And if you make a mistake and have to go back to the beginning, you don’t get to blast your way back to the lead by using your “secret super rocket blaster”. You actually just hang out in last place for a few turns and it doesn’t feel so great.
- They forget it’s a privilege. Screen time is something that has a special time and place so that we remember what a privilege it is. If they were able to just turn on the t.v or start playing the Wii or tablet anytime they wanted to, they would start taking it for granted, feeling as though they “deserve” it.
- It’s a way to hide out (or a social crutch). Most of these top tens we, as adults, could apply to ourselves. This one is especially true. A couple of years ago, my son had a friend over for the first time. This young boy had no idea how to play. He had watched so much t.v. and played so many video games that when faced with an offer to play “war” in the backyard, he was at a loss. Adults will do this. They will leave the t.v. on when they have company over as a way to “fill the silence”. They will keep texting on their phones while they are having one on one conversations instead of having to deal with an awkward moment.
- It’s not as educational as we try to make it. When my husband deployed to Iraq 5 years ago, I had a not quite 3 year old boy, a 16 month old girl and was pregnant. When the 3 year old decided he wouldn’t be needing his afternoon nap anymore, I thought I would have a break down. Thankfully, we had cable (one of the only times in our marriage we did) which meant we had Nick Jr! All good things come from the Lord, right? I would stick him in front of that t.v. every afternoon so I could lie on the couch and rest before the toddler was up and we faced the next 6 hours of our day. I would rationalize with myself about how “educational” all those shows were, but really, it’s just electronic babysitting. Which bring me to reason #10…
- I know I would abuse it. I have suffered countless hours of mommy guilt for all the screen time that I have allowed my little darlings. I know, I know, guilt is useless but it comes with being a mom. I have to limit screen time because otherwise every. single. time. one of my kids said “Mommy can I watch t.v.?” I would probably cave in and say yes. I’m trying to homeschool 3 children which leaves my 3 and 1 year old sons with a lot of time on their hands. So when I am trying to explain multiplication to my 8 year old and the 3 year old is screaming and yelling and whining about watching “Mater!!!!!” I really, really, really want to say “OK!” but instead I say “no screen time until after lunch”. It’s really hard. But I love my kids and I don’t want their brains to turn to mush, even if I have to sacrifice my brain in the process.
stuff
Our to-do list seems really long right now. We’re trying to get the new house ready by painting and cleaning, buying essentials. By essentials, I mean a refrigerator, not curtains. We are packing at the old house and selling a lot of STUFF.
I’m not sure what feels so freeing about selling stuff. It isn’t the cash coming in that makes it such a great feeling. Well, that’s part of it, but you can’t get to hung up on it because you aren’t going to get even a fraction of what you paid, what it’s worth or what you “feel” it should be worth. In fact, I feel grateful when people will come unload this stuff out of my life and I get space and cash where it used to be. I have figured out that the simplicity of having less stuff is what is really freeing.
Psychologically, when I go to the new house and the walls are freshly painted and the furniture is sparse and there isn’t something piled in every corner, my soul breathes a big sigh of relief. I’ve always known that I love to be organized. What I am learning as I get older is it’s not an anal retentive kind of “everything has to be so-so” kind of organized. It’s a less-is-more kind of organized.
Here’s the rub…I have 5 children and a husband, and currently 6 mounted deer heads (we’ll consider those our pets). So while I may function better, have more peace of mind in a less-is-more world, my big family can make that a challenge. Even if each of the 7 of us (the deer heads don’t actually take more than wall space) have only a little that is “ours” and “ours” alone that adds up to a lot.
Here are some ways that I am striving to keep more balance in the amount of STUFF we have:
1. Toys. I actually have been very selective from the moment I had my first baby on what we will keep around. I try to avoid toys that have a limited amount of ways to play with it. There are only so many things you can do with a 2 foot tall, singing, dancing Elmo. I know those kids on the commercials look like they are having a blast, but remember how long commercials are? Yeah, that’s about the length of the entertainment value. Along with that I try to avoid things that have batteries, a charger, or need any kind of electricity. For one, batteries are expensive and it’s almost impossible to explain to a 2 year old why Elmo just won’t sing and dance anymore. What I do try to keep around are toys that have multiple uses. In our home, we have plenty of Legos, wood blocks, costumes, toy weapons, matchbox cars, trains, cooking toys, dollhouse and supplies, play-do, arts and crafts and books.
2. Clothes. This one is more difficult. In the past, I have tried to keep our hand-me-downs that were from our family or given to us by someone. I will also find really great deals at yard sales and consignment sales that are hard to pass up. But, I’ve come to realize that God always provides what we need, when we need it. It never ceases to amaze me how God cares about the details of our lives. I need to keep a detailed record of what we actually spend one year to clothe and put shoes on these kids. I think it would be amazing to look back and see how little we have had to spend. For now, I’m trying to limit the number of shirts, shorts, etc. each child has in their drawers. This helps us need less dresser space (and less huge dressers).
3. Kitchen and household. How many pots and pans does one family need? Within the past couple of years we’ve been handed down a lot of kitchen ware and household items. While I try to be thankful and keep it around “just in case” I have had to just pass most of it along by donating it or selling it.
It’s hard to let go of furniture, especially if it’s nice furniture but this is a big one. Lots of furniture means less space to just lay on the floor and play a game or wrestle with Daddy. If I ever want more square footage in a home, this is why, I just need some space. So if our house is a little smaller for while then we’ll just sell some furniture. (Or beg my mom and dad to store it at their house!)
4. Electronic gadgets. Sigh. Even though we only have one TV, and limited electronics as a family, this feels like a never-ending battle. Screen time and all that it sucks out of life are something I try to balance for my kids and myself. I’m sure there’s some deeper stuff there that I need to figure out. In the meantime, I try not to give away too much space to all those little gadgets.
As I write this, the irony of it hits me.
I am so rich, living in such a rich country that I actually have a problem with having too much stuff. I am thankful for that problem. I am thankful that it’s not trying to find food, clean water or a safe, place to shelter my children.
“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.” 1 Timothy 6:6-7
Making your child your god…
My husband and I were able to go to dinner (just the two of us)! Thanks to Grammy for watching ALL the kids for a couple of hours.
So we were able to have an uninterrupted conversation. We talked about religion, politics, stresses and then we came back around to talking about kids…again.
We love our children and they are such a huge part of our life together that it’s a natural progression for us to discuss them. Usually we talk about terribly stimulating topics, like who last used the potty, which kid grabbed which kid by the shirt and threw them to the ground in a crying heap, who had a meltdown because they couldn’t get their shoes put on RIGHT THEN.
Tonight, however, we branched out and started to talk about how it seems that sometimes parents tend to treat their children like they are little gods and goddesses. They spend so much time and money and attention on their children’s sports, hobbies, desires, etc.
I just found out last summer that people actually pay money for their 6 year olds to have professional, private coaching sessions to improve their baseball skills. Like a lot of money, hundreds of dollars, so junior can pitch or hit or whatever better.
Whole families sacrifice time to eat dinner together or hang out in their backyard and play because they are running to 4 or 5 nights of practices or rehearsals.
Parents work overtime and extra jobs so that they can have nicer things for their kids.
And it’s so tempting to want to do that, isn’t it? We love them so much and want them to have “the best” clothes, education, experiences. Chris and I just signed 3 of our 5 kids up for baseball and softball. We know we will be running around like crazy in April and May. Our kids will enjoy it and we will, too.
The hard thing is maintaining a balance. Helping ourselves and our kids to see that while we want to spend money and time on them, that they are just one person.
And whether kids are in a big family or only children, we can’t put them on a pedestal and have our lives revolve around them. We can’t make our children into our god.
You shall have no other gods before Me. – Deuteronomy 5:7
Why’s there a baby under that blanket?
I really didn’t plan on being some crazy, hippie breastfeeding activist. It just sort-of happened. When I was pregnant with my first child I was given a copy of the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. My mom didn’t nurse me or my little brother so I really didn’t have any first-hand knowledge from anyone who had breastfed. I did feel though, that I should make an effort because it made sense to me that God designed a woman’s body to be able to nourish her children. So I had decided this is what I would do. It was the best option for my baby and I would make it happen. Easy as that, right?
Well…for some women maybe, but not for every woman. When I had that first baby, I had to have help figuring out how to get him to latch on, then I needed reassurance that he was actually getting enough milk, then I needed to learn how to nurse while hiding so as not to make anyone else uncomfortable discreetly in public or at family gatherings.
Thankfully, Foster was a wonderful baby, not that every baby isn’t wonderful, but he was easy. My milk came in, but not until day 4 and after that he nursed well, gained weight, slept 8 hours by the time he was 3 months old. I didn’t get mastitis or plugged ducts.
I had this breastfeeding thing in the bag! What a success I was!
Then I had Katie. Baby #2. When she was born I had a 20 month old to chase, she was a snacker (she would nurse for approx. 5 minutes and then nurse again 1 hour later) , she didn’t sleep, I got plugged ducts AND mastitis. She didn’t gain weight or have regular bowel movements.
I sucked at breastfeeding! What a failure I was!
The thing is I have nursed all my babies, most until at least a year old. But a few things I have learned along the way is that women do not have the encouragement or the support system that past generations had when it comes to feeding their children naturally. I am not an anthropologist so I can’t give you any textbook facts here, but my theory is that back in the day when grandmothers, aunts, cousins were always with each other, they were able to see breastfeeding for what it was, the natural, expected way to feed your baby. My mom didn’t even really think breastfeeding was an option. They just showed you how to mix the formula and give the bottles.
I wouldn’t trade my time nursing my babies for anything. The bonding alone makes the struggles and sacrifices worth it. But, I also realize that it doesn’t mean I love my children more than a mom who couldn’t or wouldn’t breastfeed.
A privilege
Last night Foster, Katie and I did some research on how they could use their H.C.I.N money. We visited the Feeding the Orphans site. We read about 9 ways their money could help and also watched 2 short videos of the orphans in Ghana.
They both made several comments about the children’s lack of housing, clothing and toys. We discussed their lack of clean water and of healthy food. Katie said one thing though that stuck with me.
She said “Mommy, I bet those children don’t even get to go to church.”
Our children see going to church as a privilege. Not a duty or a burden, but something to be thankful for and something to be excited about.
I think as parents we should try to nurture this attitude. When Saturday rolls around and it’s time to start ironing church clothes and taking baths and packing diaper bags and all that, we try to use words like “we get to go to church tomorrow” or “tomorrow is a church day! Yay!” It may sound corny, but to very young children how you present something is huge in how they view it.
On the flip side, we could be too lazy to go to church. Getting our family of 7 to church at 9am on Sunday morning is no small feat. We start on Saturday night and do the ironing, baths, clipping of nails, finding of dress socks, shoes and coats, piling up bibles, stocking diaper bags, filling sippy cups, making sure there is something quick and painless for breakfast, and tucking everyone in by 8pm so they will wake up in a decent mood. Then Sunday morning Chris and I get up at least an hour or more before the kids, shower, wake them, feed them, clean them up, dress them (even a 6 year old girl needs help with her tights), start the van so the frost will melt off, put coats on, grab the bibles, load up and go! Of course, in between all that is the nursing of the baby, the time-outs, disciplining, crying, laughing, lego building, car racing and lots and lots of questions. Are you tired yet?
But why should we complain? Wouldn’t we do all that same preparation to go somewhere like Dollywood? Don’t we hurry and rush to get to doctor appointments on time? Aren’t we faithful to attend family or friend birthday parties? Why should taking advantage of a chance to go to God’s house be something we avoid or procrastinate on?
Our family is thankful to have the privilege, the freedom to attend a worship service.
Mud
You know that really satisfied feeling you get after getting some part of your house clean? Maybe a room or floor that really needed a good scrubbing? Well, last night Chris held Jonah and entertained the kids so I could spend an hour or so deep cleaning the bathroom. Then, that was so satisfying I decided to sweep and mop the kitchen and dining room floors this morning.
So when the sun came out and my kids went out to play…I had to decide to replace the feeling of satisfaction that came from a clean house with the feeling of satisfaction that comes from my children’s joy.
Lots of rain yesterday + lots of sunshine today = MUD!!!!!!
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| Making mommy surprise soup. Yum yum. |
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| Sharing one pair of long rubber gloves. |
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| Parker and Katie shared the other yellow pair. |
After awhile it turned into a mud war…
Favorite girl, favorite song
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| Katie before her AHG meeting |
That smile lights up my life. The best part of my day today was playing “Guess Who” with my little girl. Sometimes I get too busy with chores or the younger boys to take time for Katie. She doesn’t ask for too much from me, she wanted to help me in the kitchen tonight and then play a game. I cherish the years where she looks at me with admiration and doesn’t think I’m a big dork (even when I am acting like one). We have a favorite song right now that we love to sing. Even when my little Grubb worms are screaming and crying and fussing and fighting and whining…we can turn this song up and it turns our mood around!
All the Little Grubbs 