All the Little Grubbs

Deployments are hard. They are hard on the soldier, the spouse and the kids.

The top ten things I miss about my husband are:

1. His smiles. Plural. Because you know the one you love has so many different smiles. The smile for the kids when he is eating pretend cake. The smile for me when he says “dinner was great, really.” The genuine smile later when he says “well, it could have used a little more seasoning.” The smile of desire. The smile of teasing. The little smile that gives away his white lie.
2. His support. No marriage is perfect. No mate without blame or error. He may not always show it but when I need it, I know I have his support.
3. His sour attitude.  Believe it or not, I miss being able to tease him out of a bad mood. I miss being able help him laugh it off. I miss being able to annoy him until he’s irritated at me instead of the situation that has him down.
4. His sincerity. I miss his intensity when it comes to things that matter. God, me, his children.
5. His strength. I can look at pictures of us when we were first dating and I remember those thoughts I had. Thoughts about how strong and tall he was. Eleven years later I know I was right, about his physical strength and his emotional strength. No hug feels like his.
6. His spiritual leadership. I don’t expect my husband to pave a walkway from me to God. To me that is not what spiritual leadership is. He leads by example, whether it’s raw honesty about spiritual struggles or sharing of joys and triumphs, he shows me his relationship with God is real.
7. His speaking to our kids. There are times when listening to Foster and his daddy talk about something is like watching a head-on collision. Neither of them are explaining well and neither are understanding the other. Most of the time, though, my husband delivers information to the kids in a way I never would have thought! He can remember and tell them all kind of facts from history, science, math or religion.
8. His spanking our kids! For some reason (he doesn’t have to give spankings very often) just the thought of one from daddy is enough to straighten you right up. However, saying “we’ll see what daddy has to say about it when he gets home at 5:30” is much more intimidating than “we’ll see what daddy has to say when he gets home from halfway across the world in 144 days.”
9. His sense of humor. You know how they say that after two people are together for so long they start to look alike? I think that’s true with their sense of humor, too. My husband is my buddy, we like to laugh together. We like to laugh at our kids, our families, sitcoms and ourselves. I just miss laughing with him.
10. His sharing. When you’re married you share just about everything. I miss sharing the bed with him. I miss sharing stories from our day. I miss sharing our burdens and dreams and hopes. We have email and Skype but it’s not the same. I miss the kind of sharing that happens when you sit with a cup of coffee or drive down the road together.