All the Little Grubbs

Social Media Fast

choices, Facebook, priorities July 29, 2016 Leave a comment

Sometime in June I listened to a podcast that discussed Cal Newport’s book, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World. The podcast resonated with me. I often feel distracted by all the social media apps on my phone. I have turned off notifications, deleted apps, hidden people that annoy me. I realized that I was spending way too much time and putting way too much emotional energy into these gathering places. I needed a break. I have very important work to do and I was tired of being distracted and not being able to put full energy into it.

I made the decision to quit all social media for the month of July. I didn’t announce it. I just deleted 6 apps off my phone and haven’t been on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat for the past month. How has it been? 99% glorious and 1% irritating. I have realized a great deal about myself and my relationship to social media (and my phone) in the past month. For the first 6 or 7 days I found myself still mindlessly picking up my phone where I would stare at it and cycle from checking the weather, to looking at photos of my kids, to checking my email. I’d put it down after a minute or two and have to face the fact that my pacifier wasn’t giving me the instant gratification it gave me before.

The 1% irritation? I was trying to have a garage sale and I needed to hop on Facebook so I could announce that. It was a waste. I shouldn’t of even spent those 5 minutes. I made $30 at the sale. The other irritation is a genuine need to acquire information from our homeschool group or church youth group. Many of today’s groups use social media as their first and foremost mode of communication. Which is understandable. The latest statistics show that about 91% of people use Facebook on at least a weekly basis. BILLIONS of people.

What I have learned about myself is that it will be better for me to leave social media(especially FB) off my phone. I am on my computer at least once a day if I feel I “must” check it. I may have to restrict myself to certain times I’m allowed to check it. It’s too distracting.

Two weeks after starting my social media fast, I felt a different kind of peace and strength. My mind felt much more clear and focused. I decided to take that peace, strength and focus and apply it to another area of my life that needed attention. More on that in the next post.

Approved

foster parenting, gratitude July 23, 2016 Comments: 2

Our journey to foster parenting has reached the next step. Along with the many hours of training classes, we had to gather what felt like a thousand documents, medical records, financial information, shot records (for the dog and the kids), references, insurance documentation and more. I am thankful that I have the history of working with foster care kids and agencies because I really didn’t feel put out by all of this. We had to jump through many other hoops (have a fire extinguisher handy, lock up the medications, etc.). If you are interested in what all we had to do, ask me and I’ll be glad to tell you!

On July 7, 2016 we received an official letter stating that we have been approved as a foster home for the State of Tennessee. I texted my closest people and shared the good news with them. I was thinking that we could get a call at any time. Then, I got a text from our foster parent support worker (social workers are texting these days). He said that we’re NOW fully approved and he wanted to stop by and chat, show me some things on the DCS website and he was giving our names to placement TODAY. That was yesterday. Right before my friend and I were heading out of town for a retreat with some monks (more on that later).

So NOW we are fully approved and even though our parameters are very small (single baby 0-3 years old) and we probably won’t get a call soon, we are ready and we are available!

Parker’s 7

blessings, Family, Parker July 23, 2016 Leave a comment

For the first part of his birthday this year he spent some special time with two other sweet 7-year-olds. Chris and I took the three of them to a movie, to Menchie’s for a treat and then home to play some video games. It was a great plan for a fellow who can still get cranky and lose his temper when overwhelmed or tired. The next day was his birthday day and I took him and Theodore out for a doughnut and to pick out his cake and birthday dinner. I love that he chose store bought cake, corn dogs and chips. He made it easy on mommy. We had some family over the next night for pizza and cake, so Parker had a third day to receive attention, love and presents.

Parker is a beautiful, healthy, strong boy and we are thankful he’s a part of our family! He is still the one who consistently comes for a cuddle with mommy. He keeps cracking jokes and has a great sense of humor and timing. He would rather play inside than outside. Unless the conditions are perfect. If he’s well fed and hydrated, has a sibling or friend to join him, the temperature is not too hot and not too cold, if there are things to ride and room to jump, run and explore then he’s a big fan of being outside.

He’s weighing in at about 48 pounds these days, still has his pretty blond hair, is starting to read, loves Pokémon and Wii games, he’s easily angered but even quicker to laugh and giggle and be silly. The chores he can do well now (but not necessarily with a great attitude) are take out the big and little trashcans, walk Maggie, clean up the living room and make his bed.

Family Meeting

children, Family, gratitude, homeschooling, motherhood, organizing, parenting, priorities, reading, siblings, Summer June 6, 2016 1 Comment

If I had to name two things that bring me joy they would be organization and change. I happen to think these are good qualities that enable me to be able to thrive in chaotic, stressful environments. My poor husband on the other hand really likes for things to be predictable. I don’t think he knew what he was getting himself into when he met me 15 years ago. Even when we were first married and we would be working different shifts or days, he would come home and the furniture would be rearranged and the plates moved to a different cabinet. I would be fired up about a new plan for getting a pet, moving, a new place to buy groceries or new budget spreadsheet. Bless him.

I have tried hard for his sake to limit these changes and he’s done an awesome job at realizing that his wife isn’t trying to make him crazy, she just loves change.

When it comes to having children in your home, whether its one child or eight children, organization and change are imperative. Now, I am not saying that consistency goes out the window. All children flourish with consistency. What I’m talking about is organizing environments and schedules and being willing to change methods and plans.

For example, yesterday morning I called a family meeting with the kids. There were 3 major discussions we needed to have; chores, schoolwork/reading time, “that’s not fair”.

In the area of chores, our kids have a good amount of responsibility. Now that everyone is getting older, I’ve added a few more to their list. We talked about combining a few chores and made assignments for the next week or two. For example, Foster has laundry and bathroom #2. He is responsible for washing, drying, putting away all the laundry. He also wipes down the bathroom sink, mirror, toilet at least once a day. He only has to scrub the tub if it needs it.

The second thing we discussed was the expectation that they need to either work on schoolwork (we never finish Math in a typical school year) or read for one hour before they have any screen time or friend time. With breakfast, chores and reading time they should be done by about 10:30 am and that leaves the next 8 hours for them to be free and have fun.

The third item on the agenda was about attitudes. We discussed how much we have in way of toys, clothes, safety, security and comfort compared to other children. We talked about gratitude and not comparing what someone else gets to what we get. In our home, we have lots of discussion regarding “sometimes its your turn and sometimes its not”. This week Foster was able to spend extra time with visiting family and go to the science museum. Katie got to go with them to the Lost Sea. The younger boys got to go to Chick-fil-a (like go inside and play, which is a rare treat).

This understanding is imperative in our family because not everyone is the same age and maturity level. And the gap will just continue to widen as everyone gets older. When Foster gets a phone or is able to drive the younger boys will still just be 12, 10 and 8 years old. They’re going to have to see him with a lot of privilege and freedom that will be years off for them. In keeping with that, I told them that if I hear “that’s not fair” in any form, like “but he got to, Katie got more than me, I didn’t get a turn,” then they would get a check mark on the white board in the kitchen. Each check mark equals 5 minutes earlier bedtime.

When we have these family meetings, I try to keep the list of items or things we’re changing or working on down to 3 or 4 items so that the kids don’t get overwhelmed and the expectations are clear.

The kids really respond well to these meetings. They will chime in with their own ideas and opinions. They are willing to be flexible and try new routines and rules. Each time I make these changes in the house, I’m showing them that they can learn new things and change their own attitudes. Chris and I are trying to teach them that a family is a team. We work together and not against each other. When we do work together, we feel closer and we can accomplish more.

Preparation and provision

blessings, foster parenting June 4, 2016 Leave a comment

I continue to be amazed at God’s provision. I’ve been witnessing it for years now but He never fails to provide. Financially, spiritually, relationally.

In April, when we began to take foster parenting classes, Chris and I felt the spiritual attacks. The direct and indirect disapproval of loved ones hurt. Realizing that it is a spiritual battle we’re fighting doesn’t make it any less painful.

God has provided reassurance and peace as only He can. Our marriage is growing stronger and we are realizing the increased amount of faith this ministry will take.

As I’ve made preparations to have an infant/toddler in the house again, God has also provided in practical ways. We’ve been given almost all of the big items and I’ve found great deals at yard sales.

There is no rational reason why our family should be doing this. Taking in another child. Except that there is every reason. No child asks to be torn from all they’ve known and loved and placed with strangers. No infant should be without a momma to hold her close and pray over her little soul as she’s rocked to sleep.

But for the grace of God, there go I. I could have been the one addicted during pregnancy. I could have been the one single, no way to feed my children, no more willpower or strength left to protect them. I could have been the one who lost my temper.

“…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

An interview (about foster care) with Theodore

foster parenting, priorities, Theodore May 11, 2016 Leave a comment

Theodore is our little early bird. It doesn’t matter that he’s 8 years old, 99% of the time he is the first one awake and out of his room. As soon as he’s up he comes and finds me and starts asking for food. This is something that hasn’t really changed in the past 8 years. First he was screaming to be nursed and now he’s screaming for breakfast. This morning, I woke up when Chris went fishing (4:30 am…). Since I was already awake for three hours when he got up, I decided to go ahead and let him fix his own breakfast and I joined him with my coffee and eggs.

We’ve been talking a lot in our home about becoming a foster family. We’re listening to a foster parenting podcast in the van as we travel about, we’re discussing it as we rearrange Katie’s room or when the sitter comes so we can go to our foster parenting classes. This morning I took a chance to ask Theodore what he thought of all this, one on one. He tends to be a pessimistic little fellow, so I wasn’t sure how this conversation would go.

Me: “So what do you think about us becoming a foster family?”

Theodore: “Do we have to do a foster parenting podcast?”

Me: (giggling) “No, we don’t have to start our own podcast.”

Theodore: “Well, you need to get a girl Katie’s age because a baby would be too much work.”

Me: “We will probably get someone younger, who isn’t in school yet. Would it be ok to have more work? Isn’t that what God calls us to do? Doesn’t He call us to serve?”

Theodore: “I guess. That’d be OK. I mean, I’m not changing any diapers. You’d have to do that. But I know where the crib would go. On that wall, in Katie’s room, so when the baby cried it would wake us all up.”

Me: “When you were a baby and you cried, Foster and Katie never woke up. Usually only the mommy wakes up.”

Theodore: “Well.” (pauses to think) “I guess it will be good. Until she gets bigger and then I’d have to wait longer to pick.” (Referring to picking a television show, which we do youngest to oldest.)

Me: “Do you know why kids are in foster care? Do you know what God says about orphans? Do you know what an orphan is?”

Theodore: “No.”

Me: “Kids are in foster care because their mommies and daddies did not take care of them or protect them the way they should be cared for or protected. An orphan is someone who’s mommy and daddy have died, but most kids in foster care still have parents that are alive.”

Theodore: “So we would help take care of that kind of kid?”

Me: “Yes.”

Theodore: “We should do that then.”

12916879_10208132254691853_6338744905973289687_o

TBT: Ghetto Pool

blessings, children, daddy, Foster, GSMNP, Katie, memories, parenting, Parker, siblings, Summer, Theodore, Throwback Thursday May 5, 2016 Leave a comment

This throw-back Thursday is dedicated to the ghetto pool and the years where we were basically drowning in littles. Good thing we have some pictures because it’s pretty much a blur.

Wishes and Obstacles

children, choices, memories, motherhood, priorities, struggles May 1, 2016 1 Comment

I turned 40 years old in April.

I am probably about halfway there, if I live until I’m 80.

A little backstory to my wish. When I was 8 years old my cousin, who was 6 years old, spent time with us pretty often. Things were rough at her house. My aunt had made another bad man choice and I’d say odds are pretty good that my little cousin was being abused. She was definitely being neglected. I grew up on the good side of town. But my cousin, she was on the poor side of town. The times I went to her side of town and stayed are burned in my memory. The games we played in the trailer park where we dug for treasures in the dumpster. The times we stayed outside as long as possible to stay away from her “step-dad” and all the smoking and drinking. Her mom and step-dad fought a lot. They screamed and threw things. Then as we got a little older, they had a baby. He was left next door with his grandmother for hours or days. They preferred the baby boy so my little cousin was treated even worse into her preteen years.

As I got older, my middle school, middle class attitude caused me to draw a line in the sand between myself and my cousin. She was over there with THEM. I was over here, where things were clean, quiet and comfortable.

When I left college to work in a group home filled with girls in state’s custody, I encountered more girls like my cousin. More children who had grown up not just in poverty, but were growing up with abuse, neglect and hopelessness. For every teenage girl that came through and stayed at the group home, there were a many younger siblings they had left behind. They were old enough to run away, or get in trouble so that they were removed from the home but their younger siblings were still there. Or had been scattered among foster homes.

At 23 years old, I knew that I would be a foster parent. What I really thought was that I would open my own group home. Then the state decided every child should be in a home, not an institution, so true long-term group homes have been all but eliminated. The vision, the dream, the desire I had then looked like this: A safe, stable, clean place that any child could find refuge in for as long as they needed it. This vision included meals together, chores and outings, hugs and encouragement, protection and spiritual guidance.

My belief system is anchored in the belief that God has a plan. He knew my childhood, He knew my early working years, He knows my marriage and family now. He is in control.

What I also believe is that I have to move forward with my wish. So that He can show me how the obstacles can be removed. I cannot stop moving forward because of what other people may think, because of discomfort or inconvenience. I will not stop moving forward. If God wanted me to have a different dream, He would have given me one.

My inspiration for this post came from this TED talk.

Foster turned 12

Foster February 17, 2016 Comments: 2

You know those parents that just go on and on about how awesome their kid is and you’re like “would you SHUT UP about how awesome your kid is?!?”

Well, so that you don’t want to say that about me, I’ll try to make this short.

Foster is amazing. He rarely ever disobeys or disrespects his father and I. He is honest, giving and loyal. He is a saver, not a spender. He is a thinker. He is happy with a trip to a used bookstore and doughnuts with his close friend as a birthday celebration. He is grateful for what we give him and does not often take his material or emotional blessings for granted.

His intelligence astounds me. His sense of humor brightens every day. He is human and he is a boy so he teases his sister mercilessly but he will help her out if she ever really needs anything. He chooses the company of his father and I. He enjoys playing with his little brothers. He is deliberate in his choice of friends and does not get hung up on fashion or what is popular.

If I had to name any flaw in him at this time I would say he is too critical of himself. He does not have confidence in his own gifts and abilities and that causes him to have an “I can’t do it” attitude. This is hard to watch as a mother and even harder to know how to combat and teach him to overcome.

I am beyond thankful that I have gotten to be his mother and know him as a person for these past 12 years.

9 months

scoliosis, spinal fusion January 14, 2016 1 Comment

9 months ago tomorrow I underwent the biggest surgery and the hardest time of my life. If you need a little background…I’ve written twice before about my scoliosis and the decision to have spinal fusion surgery. You can find those here and here.

What I haven’t done, until now, is show you the pictures. So here they are: the good, the bad and the ugly. To tell you the truth though, I really don’t see ugly. I am so high on gratitude that I made it through and that I’m still healing. Most days I feel unstoppable.

I had the surgery April 14, 2015 and was off all medications (pain or otherwise) by 11 weeks 6 days post-op. Not that I was counting or anything. Not too shabby for someone who had 2 rods and 32 screws put in her back.