All the Little Grubbs

Sometimes I fight with my husband. I know, it’s shocking, but there it is.  I read (“follow” to use blog lingo) all kinds of great blogs. Ones about being a Proverbs 31 wife and a fantastical homeschool momma and some about being organized. Most of them are really inspiring. If they weren’t I wouldn’t follow them. 

What I have realized as I’ve struggled to blog everyday this year (and failed) that I would rather write funny.  I enjoy all the blogs that make me laugh. The ones that are so real and raw (but not vulgar) that I almost spit coffee on my computer in the morning.

I’ve struggled to find my “voice” with this blog. I had even contemplated starting a second blog that would be just for me and then have this one for the family stuff.  I nixed that idea pretty quick since most of the time I am trying to blog with a baby hanging off of me (and not my hip) and a cup of coffee that’s perpetually chilly because it takes me so long to drink it. 

When I was little, I really loved to make people laugh. I longed to hear “you’re so funny” much more than I wanted to hear about how “cute” or “smart” I was.  I am sort of a laugh junkie. If I get you going it’s like a drug and I want to have more and more.

When asked the “what do you want to be when you grow up” question that every kid is asked 1,372 times, my response was a lawyer or a comedian. I know. A little bit of a gap there. But arguing with people and making people laugh (sometimes at the same time) were my strengths.  Don’t we always tell kids and teens to focus on their strengths when making occupation choices? Turns out I have ended up where both my lawyer and my comedian skills are put into use. 

Kids are great for laughs. The things they say and do are hilarious. And they laugh easily at me (which for now is ok but when they’re teenagers I’ll consider it disrespectful).

I actually get to win every case on trial because I get to use the “because I said so…” clause which is a precedent that was established about 463 B.C. (give or take).  Well, I get to win every case with my kids. Not my husband. That’s a different story. Well, it’s this story that I started with I guess.

I have been feeling really crummy. First a stomach virus, then a “strained lumbar” (that’s in your back), then a head cold, a breastfeeding induced plugged-duct breast of misery, oh and an in-grown toe-nail to top it off. I’m falling apart. I’ll be 36 next month. I guess it had to happen sometime.

Since I’ve been feeling so bad physically, it has really thrown off my groove.  I’ve been buying the wrong stuff at the grocery store and I’m running late to get everywhere with the kids. So when Chris came home from class and said “I thought you were leaving at 9:30?” I flipped out.

And that’s all he said. Really. Bless his heart.

What I tried to explain later, is how the voices in my head are constantly saying “what is going on with you?  Hurry up! You are going to be late. You forgot that kid’s bag, etc. etc.” So I don’t need him to point how I have failed again. He did good. He apologized. Although, how he could have known that that one question would have unleashed such fury is beyond me.

I can’t believe he has put up with me for almost ten years. Although, the child support payments alone would make his life as a single man impossible.

He’s stayed for the same reason I have. Even though we fight, we made a commitment. To each other and to God.

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’”

Charles M. Schulz