All the Little Grubbs

I had this conversation with my unhappy 5 year old yesterday afternoon. 

Theodore: “Can I play my tablet?”
Me: “No, you’ve already had your screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I play Parker’s Leapster?”
Me: “No, Theodore, you can’t have any more screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I watch Foster play his tablet?”
Me: “No, Theodore, no more screen time.”
Theodore: “That’s not screen time.”
Theodore: “Wait, what is screen time?”
Me: “If the t.v., tablet, computer, Wii or Leapster are on and you are looking at it – that is screen time.”

1. Screen time is like crack (or meth, or nicotine or caffeine).  The more my kids have, the more they want.  They’ll do anything for a fix. When they’re on it, the house could be on fire (or the baby could be crawling on top of a table about to knock over a lamp) and they wouldn’t even notice.   
2. Their world shrinks. Like I said in point number one, they block everything and everyone else out. They don’t answer questions, they don’t interact with the real people that are all around them. Even worse, if they take the screen out of the house with them they miss out on things like seeing scenery, watching me break the speed limit (not that I would do that) or having a conversation.
3. It keeps them from being bored. Yes, I actually do want my children to be bored. I want them to feel boredom and then when they are tired of that feeling they are self-motivated to do something.  In my house, if I hear you say “I’m bored” I help you out of your dilemma with additional school work or a chore.
4. It turns their brains to mush. I won’t be quoting any scientific research here today to back that up. But I know there is a lot of it because I read all about it in my social work and psychology classes in college. More than other’s research, I depend on my own. I can tell a HUGE difference in how muddled my kids’ brains get when they have spent hour upon hour with their eyes glued to a screen.
5. They form unrealistic expectations. My 8 year old son got a tablet for Christmas from his grandad. One of the apps is some sort of racing game where you are chased by the police.  As we were sitting in traffic the other day, running late (as usual) Foster says “Mommy you should just bash into the car ahead of us and run the red light.” Which then prompted a conversation about why that probably wouldn’t be the wisest choice to our dilemma.
6. It feeds their already impatient nature. Playing a game on a screen is so much different than playing with an actual board and pieces and other real human beings. When you make a good move, we might say “hey, good job” but you aren’t going to see fireworks in our living room. And if you make a mistake and have to go back to the beginning, you don’t get to blast your way back to the lead by using your “secret super rocket blaster”. You actually just hang out in last place for a few turns and it doesn’t feel so great.
7. They forget it’s a privilege. Screen time is something that has a special time and place so that we remember what a privilege it is. If they were able to just turn on the t.v or start playing the Wii or tablet anytime they wanted to, they would start taking it for granted, feeling as though they “deserve” it.
8. It’s a way to hide out (or a social crutch). Most of these top tens we, as adults, could apply to ourselves. This one is especially true. A couple of years ago, my son had a friend over for the first time.  This young boy had no idea how to play.  He had watched so much t.v. and played so many video games that when faced with an offer to play “war” in the backyard, he was at a loss. Adults will do this. They will leave the t.v. on when they have company over as a way to “fill the silence”. They will keep texting on their phones while they are having one on one conversations instead of having to deal with an awkward moment.
9. It’s not as educational as we try to make it. When my husband deployed to Iraq 5 years ago, I had a not quite 3 year old boy, a 16 month old girl and was pregnant.  When the 3 year old decided he wouldn’t be needing his afternoon nap anymore, I thought I would have a break down. Thankfully, we had cable (one of the only times in our marriage we did) which meant we had Nick Jr! All good things come from the Lord, right? I would stick him in front of that t.v. every afternoon so I could lie on the couch and rest before the toddler was up and we faced the next 6 hours of our day. I would rationalize with myself about how “educational” all those shows were, but really, it’s just electronic babysitting. Which bring me to reason #10…
10. I know I would abuse it. I have suffered countless hours of mommy guilt for all the screen time that I have allowed my little darlings.  I know, I know, guilt is useless but it comes with being a mom.  I have to limit screen time because otherwise every. single. time. one of my kids said “Mommy can I watch t.v.?” I would probably cave in and say yes. I’m trying to homeschool 3 children which leaves my 3 and 1 year old sons with a lot of time on their hands. So when I am trying to explain multiplication to my 8 year old and the 3 year old is screaming and yelling and whining about watching “Mater!!!!!” I really, really, really want to say “OK!” but instead I say “no screen time until after lunch”. It’s really hard. But I love my kids and I don’t want their brains to turn to mush, even if I have to sacrifice my brain in the process.