Category Archives: parenting

top 10 reasons I limit screen time

homeschooling, parenting, priorities, Top Ten Tuesday January 8, 2013 Comments: 3

I had this conversation with my unhappy 5 year old yesterday afternoon. 

Theodore: “Can I play my tablet?”
Me: “No, you’ve already had your screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I play Parker’s Leapster?”
Me: “No, Theodore, you can’t have any more screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I watch Foster play his tablet?”
Me: “No, Theodore, no more screen time.”
Theodore: “That’s not screen time.”
Theodore: “Wait, what is screen time?”
Me: “If the t.v., tablet, computer, Wii or Leapster are on and you are looking at it – that is screen time.”

My top 10 reasons for limiting screen time for my kids:

  1. Screen time is like crack (or meth, or nicotine or caffeine).  The more my kids have, the more they want.  They’ll do anything for a fix. When they’re on it, the house could be on fire (or the baby could be crawling on top of a table about to knock over a lamp) and they wouldn’t even notice.   
  2. Their world shrinks. Like I said in point number one, they block everything and everyone else out. They don’t answer questions, they don’t interact with the real people that are all around them. Even worse, if they take the screen out of the house with them they miss out on things like seeing scenery, watching me break the speed limit (not that I would do that) or having a conversation.
  3. It keeps them from being bored. Yes, I actually do want my children to be bored. I want them to feel boredom and then when they are tired of that feeling they are self-motivated to do something.  In my house, if I hear you say “I’m bored” I help you out of your dilemma with additional school work or a chore.
  4. It turns their brains to mush. I won’t be quoting any scientific research here today to back that up. But I know there is a lot of it because I read all about it in my social work and psychology classes in college. More than other’s research, I depend on my own. I can tell a HUGE difference in how muddled my kids’ brains get when they have spent hour upon hour with their eyes glued to a screen.
  5. They form unrealistic expectations. My 8 year old son got a tablet for Christmas from his grandad. One of the apps is some sort of racing game where you are chased by the police.  As we were sitting in traffic the other day, running late (as usual) Foster says “Mommy you should just bash into the car ahead of us and run the red light.” Which then prompted a conversation about why that probably wouldn’t be the wisest choice to our dilemma.
  6. It feeds their already impatient nature. Playing a game on a screen is so much different than playing with an actual board and pieces and other real human beings. When you make a good move, we might say “hey, good job” but you aren’t going to see fireworks in our living room. And if you make a mistake and have to go back to the beginning, you don’t get to blast your way back to the lead by using your “secret super rocket blaster”. You actually just hang out in last place for a few turns and it doesn’t feel so great.
  7. They forget it’s a privilege. Screen time is something that has a special time and place so that we remember what a privilege it is. If they were able to just turn on the t.v or start playing the Wii or tablet anytime they wanted to, they would start taking it for granted, feeling as though they “deserve” it.
  8. It’s a way to hide out (or a social crutch). Most of these top tens we, as adults, could apply to ourselves. This one is especially true. A couple of years ago, my son had a friend over for the first time.  This young boy had no idea how to play.  He had watched so much t.v. and played so many video games that when faced with an offer to play “war” in the backyard, he was at a loss. Adults will do this. They will leave the t.v. on when they have company over as a way to “fill the silence”. They will keep texting on their phones while they are having one on one conversations instead of having to deal with an awkward moment.
  9. It’s not as educational as we try to make it. When my husband deployed to Iraq 5 years ago, I had a not quite 3 year old boy, a 16 month old girl and was pregnant.  When the 3 year old decided he wouldn’t be needing his afternoon nap anymore, I thought I would have a break down. Thankfully, we had cable (one of the only times in our marriage we did) which meant we had Nick Jr! All good things come from the Lord, right? I would stick him in front of that t.v. every afternoon so I could lie on the couch and rest before the toddler was up and we faced the next 6 hours of our day. I would rationalize with myself about how “educational” all those shows were, but really, it’s just electronic babysitting. Which bring me to reason #10…
  10. I know I would abuse it. I have suffered countless hours of mommy guilt for all the screen time that I have allowed my little darlings.  I know, I know, guilt is useless but it comes with being a mom.  I have to limit screen time because otherwise every. single. time. one of my kids said “Mommy can I watch t.v.?” I would probably cave in and say yes. I’m trying to homeschool 3 children which leaves my 3 and 1 year old sons with a lot of time on their hands. So when I am trying to explain multiplication to my 8 year old and the 3 year old is screaming and yelling and whining about watching “Mater!!!!!” I really, really, really want to say “OK!” but instead I say “no screen time until after lunch”. It’s really hard. But I love my kids and I don’t want their brains to turn to mush, even if I have to sacrifice my brain in the process.

Top Ten Tuesday at Many Little Blessings

oh boy

Foster, Jonah, Katie, parenting, Parker, Theodore December 17, 2012 1 Comment

I had the privilege of spending extra alone time with Katie this past weekend.  She was a flower girl in a wedding and so I spent quite a few hours painting her nails, getting her dressed up and taking her to the rehearsal, wedding and reception.  Katie is not a very prissy little girl.  She enjoys digging in the mud, climbing trees and playing chase with the best of them.  But, she IS a girl. 

In contrast, the boys are BOYS. 

Here are a few examples of this over just the past couple of days;

  • Parker shoved a popcorn kernel up his nose. Leading me to have the “we don’t stuff things up our nose” talk with him. (Thankfully since he was sick and blowing his nose the last 5 weeks, he was able to blow hard and get it out.)
  • Jonah climbed on top of the dining room table, tried to swallow a rubber bouncy ball, pooped in the bathtub, threw his food off his highchair tray, hit all his siblings with something hard. On the head.
  • Foster hid and scared Grammy and caused her to jerk and hurt her shoulder (which is still sore from getting hit by a car).  He also flew his remote control helicopter into my head.
  • Theodore tried to play sword fight in the living room knocking over a lamp and almost knocking over the Christmas tree. He peed ALL over my toilet because he waited too long to get to the bathroom.  He also argued with me that he should be able to use chocolate milk as the milk in his cereal this morning.

“Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.” –Plato

how I get my kids to do what I want

parenting December 6, 2012 Comments: 3

Now, that’s a good hook isn’t it?

Here’s a look at the ways I get my kids (and sometimes other people’s) to do what I want.

  1. Clear Expectations: I think as parents, we tend to think that children know what is expected from them.  This is not the case.  If I don’t want the 3 year old to color with markers on the table (or wall or their own face) then I have to make clear my expectation.  I will say, “Parker, markers are for paper. Use them to color on your paper.” Then I will ask “Parker, where can you use your markers?” and he will (hopefully) respond “on my paper”. If I don’t want a a child to run down the hall at church I will get their attention and say “Please walk in church.” Again, don’t assume that kids know what their expectations are, anymore than you would know what the traffic laws were without having ever read your handy-dandy driver’s ed book.
  2. Great Expectations: Along with being clear, we need to give children credit for what they are capable of and then challenge them to do more.  My oldest son started taking care of the trash in our home right before his 5th birthday.  It was his responsibility almost every day to check and empty the small trash cans throughout the house into the kitchen trash can and then tie up the kitchen trash and lug it to our big outside trash can.  When he started, he would make mistakes like pouring a little trash can into an overly full kitchen can.  Or he would push the trash down so much that he would tear a hole in the bag and there would be a trail of trash on the way out the door.  Several times he tried to just drag the bag to the outside can because it was so heavy. He realized quick that doing that just made more work for himself as he would have to double bag the first bag and clean up a trail of trash. Sometimes it is very hard for me to stand back and watch my kids struggle with chores or school work that is overwhelming their little minds and bodies.  I have to stop myself from “helping” them before they ask, or from “helping” before they really need it (even if they are asking).  As a result, at age 8 he now wakes up most Thursdays and says “it’s trash day” and proceeds to gather trash and get it out to the road for the garbage man. He knows he is a needed member of our family. That his contribution is helping our household run more smoothly.  And that is something he can take pride in.
  3. “I see you, I hear you”: My husband and I watched a show recently where the husband and wife were working on their relationship and one of the things their counselor told them to do was say “I see you and I hear you” whenever they were having a conflict. Children are just like us. They long to be heard and seen.  I feel like I struggle in this area because of the ages and closeness in age of our children.  I try to make eye-contact and use active listening skills but typically there is a toddler crawling into the dishwasher, a pre-schooler whining and a 5 year old stomping around impatiently as I try to talk to my older kids.  When I catch myself in that situation, I explain to the child trying to talk to me that I want to hear what they have to say and I will listen as soon as I can.  Then I really do try to calm things and pay direct attention to them.  It is so tempting to just go on unloading the dishwasher and say “uh-huh, uh-huh, oh yeah I see how that Lego ship could definitely overtake 247 aliens in one strike…” But I really can’t expect my children to feel seen or heard if I don’t stop, look them in the eye and show genuine interest in what they have to say.  After all, I want them to see me and hear me when I am telling them to make their bed or brush their teeth. I need to show them the same respect.
  4. Realistic Consequences: I have to make a confession here.  I have a very hard time listening to parents threatening their children.  I don’t mean threatening to kill them, of course that would be disturbing for anyone, I mean just making empty threats.  In the store the other day I overheard a parent saying “if you don’t straighten up (what does that mean) you’ll NEVER get another toy!” Really? They really won’t? That’s just not true is it? I mean they will probably get something in their Happy Meal on the way home. First of all, as I said in point #1 give CLEAR expectations. By the time I was 8, if my parents told me to “straighten up” I would’ve thought (and probably said) “I’m not crooked, how come I have to straighten up?” If we are out and one of the kids is starting to yell or pull stuff off the shelf or whatever, I call the behavior exactly what it is.  I might say “Parker, you are screaming and being too loud inside. Please use a quiet voice or you will get a consequence.” In the time it takes him to disobey and start yelling again I have time to think of a realistic consequence. Were you going to buy some cookies at the store for the family? Is the family planning on staying up and watching a movie later? Then I could say “Parker you are still being loud and now you will get a consequence. You will miss out when we have our cookies later (or watch the movie).” I don’t tell him he’ll never get to eat another cookie. He would know I’m just bluffing. Make it something you can follow through on and then actually give the consequence.
  5. Mean what you say: I would hate for my words to not have any weight with my children.  Not because that would mean they never obey, but because I tell them a lot of good things too. When I tell my little girl that she is smart and beautiful and I tell my sons they are strong and courageous, I want them to believe me. I want them to internalize those messages and remember them forever.  If I don’t follow through and mean what I say with consequences then they are seeing that I don’t really mean what I say.  My 5 year old tests me greatly right now, he has NO concept of time or patience or waiting.  If I tell him that snack is at 10 am and then I give in to his constant badgering and whining at 9:45 then that sends a strong message: Mommy doesn’t mean what she says. If I’m too tired to battle an early bedtime consequence I gave earlier in the day then that sends the message: Mommy doesn’t mean what she says. If he’s getting discouraged when he tries to hit a ball or write a letter and I say “you can do it!” there is a doubt there, a thought that maybe “Mommy doesn’t mean what she says.” THAT is not something I can live with, so as painful as it is sometimes, I try to always mean what I say.
  6. Freedom of choice: Oh how I love choice.  My husband and my parents and pretty much anyone who has known me for very long knows that I can’t stand to be told what to do.  Because of my issues with authority, I try to set up things so that my kids don’t feel powerless. I want them to have choices.  I’m sure if you have read any parenting material you’ve heard that you should give kids choices.  However, the choices aren’t supposed to be based on what your kids do and don’t want to do.  It’s not “little Johnny you don’t have to make your bed if you don’t want to”.  It’s thinking what you as the parent want the end result to be and then creating choices that will lead to that end. Picture one of those mazes where you have to help the bunny get to the carrot, well let’s say there are 3 bunnies starting from 3 different places but they all end up at the same carrot.  (Sorry, it’s all I’ve got for an illustration.) In other words, if you want Johnny to make his bed by himself (the carrot), then you might give these choices. “Johnny would you like to make your bed before breakfast or after breakfast?” “Johnny do you want me to set the timer for 1 minute or 3 minutes to see how fast you can make your bed?” Get creative! The end result is the same but the way there is much different from a command and threat like this “Johnny go make your bed or I’ll make you sleep outside with the dogs!!!”
  7. I change what I want: Pardon me? What did that say? I change what I want? Ummm…excuse me, I am the parent, the adult, the wise one. I should definitely get what I want.  Maybe. Maybe not.  Sometimes as parents we need to take a step back and look at the obedience or other conflict issues we are having with our kids and think “am I the problem here?” We all have certain things that drive us crazy.  One of mine is play-doh.  I would rather A) not have it in my house B) have it under lock and key and C) control every aspect of it (don’t mix the colors! put the lids on tight!) Well, my kids love play-doh.  After having them beg and plead and then me ruining every play-doh experience I had to take a step back and just slap myself in the head.  So I told myself  “Self, it’s play-doh. It doesn’t matter if they make a mess, if it dries out or even if it’s crusted onto clothes and into the carpet. What matters is they are enjoying themselves and being creative.” Do your kids love to jump on furniture? Maybe you should invest in a trampoline instead of yelling at them every time they do.  A parent-child relationship shouldn’t be any different than other relationships, in healthy ones both sides give and take and can’t always have things their own way.

free-range parenting

children, choices, growing-up, motherhood, parenting July 4, 2012 1 Comment

Since becoming a parent a little over 8 years ago, I have read numerous articles and books on how to be a successful parent.  My definition of successful parenting is that we don’t screw our kids up so badly that they have to spend years in therapy.

Of course, I also would love for them to dedicate their lives to God and serving others, have happy families of their own, have lucrative, fulfilling careers and a few exciting, rewarding hobbies. But I try to set the bar low, so then if they have any or all of those things in their future, I can be pleasantly surprised. Winking smile

There are some new trends and catch phrases in parenting these days and I recently read this one that has to do with “free-range parenting”.

As I read, I kept thinking that while the idea may seem “new” it’s actually the way parents use to parent.  The main idea behind free-range parenting is you don’t keep your kids under your watchful eye ALL the time. Since we homeschool and I am with my kids 24/7, I try to make a concerted effort to get away from them as much as I can. That sounds pretty bad, but what I mean is that when I send them out to the backyard to play I try to stay out of their play as much as possible.

It isn’t healthy or necessary for me to be correcting every ugly thing they may do to one another as siblings or even to their neighbor friends. Kids do need the time and space to learn about relationships on their own. I have been letting my 8 year old climb a fence to play with our neighbors, who have a pool and a creek and lots of land to roam on, since he was 7 years old. I usually give him a watch and time to be back. He has always been back on time and that has given him a chance to earn my trust. Believe it or not, I have never even seen this neighbors property past their home.  I haven’t driven down the long driveway to check out the pool, the chicken coop, the creek  and the woods.

Are there things that could go wrong when Foster visits the neighbors? Of course, he could wreck his bike (that he mostly rides with no helmet) or he could drown in the pool. But I have to trust that he is making good choices and that God is caring for him. He has been hurt emotionally while out of my sight. But I realize that I can’t protect my kids from every uncomfortable thing in their lives. They have to have some space, so they can learn to navigate life on their own.

To me, free-range parenting doesn’t mean you let your kids run wild and never address negative behaviors, it means you let some of the consequences come naturally. If you punch your friend in the gut, you might get punched back. If you speak hatefully to your sibling, they probably won’t share their treat with you.

I’m not raising little robots who only know how to behave when I am around and controlling the situation. I am raising little people, who have free will and need a chance to exercise it.

What types of freedoms do you give your young children?

daddy time

blessings, daddy, Katie, parenting April 3, 2012 1 Comment

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My husband constantly amazes me at his ability to take the time to spend special time with each of the kids. 
The other day he took Foster, Katie and Theodore fishing.  He’s been practicing ball with the 3 older ones in the backyard several nights a week.  Last night he took Katie’s training wheels off of her bike for her and helped her start learning to ride without them.  Then the two of them made brownies. 
My husband isn’t perfect, neither am I, but he is something that many, many fathers are not.
He is present.

Making your child your god…

parenting, priorities February 25, 2012 Comments: 2

My husband and I were able to go to dinner (just the two of us)! Thanks to Grammy for watching ALL the kids for a couple of hours.

So we were able to have an uninterrupted conversation.  We talked about religion, politics, stresses and then we came back around to talking about kids…again. 

We love our children and they are such a huge part of our life together that it’s a natural progression for us to discuss them.  Usually we talk about terribly stimulating topics, like who last used the potty, which kid grabbed which kid by the shirt and threw them to the ground in a crying heap, who had a meltdown because they couldn’t get their shoes put on RIGHT THEN. 

Tonight, however, we branched out and started to talk about how it seems that sometimes parents tend to treat their children like they are little gods and goddesses.  They spend so much time and money and attention on their children’s sports, hobbies, desires, etc. 

I just found out last summer that people actually pay money for their 6 year olds to have professional, private coaching sessions to improve their baseball skills.  Like a lot of money, hundreds of dollars, so junior can pitch or hit or whatever better.

Whole families sacrifice time to eat dinner together or hang out in their backyard and play because they are running to 4 or 5 nights of practices or rehearsals. 

Parents work overtime and extra jobs so that they can have nicer things for their kids. 

And it’s so tempting to want to do that, isn’t it? We love them so much and want them to have “the best” clothes, education, experiences.  Chris and I just signed 3 of our 5 kids up for baseball and softball.  We know we will be running around like crazy in April and May.  Our kids will enjoy it and we will, too. 

The hard thing is maintaining a balance.  Helping ourselves and our kids to see that while we want to spend money and time on them, that they are just one person. 

And whether kids are in a big family or only children, we can’t put them on a pedestal and have our lives revolve around them. We can’t make our children into our god.

You shall have no other gods before Me.   – Deuteronomy 5:7

Spending the paycheck…

parenting January 22, 2012 Leave a comment

We took the kids out to the movies Friday on Daddy’s day off.  We went to the “dollar” theater which is now $2.00 a person. Parker and Jonah were still free. 

Captivated

Oblivious

We paid for the movie, but the kids took some of their money they had earned for their commission this week.  We don’t give an allowance but use Dave’s ideas that the kids earn money for chores and good behavior.  They must tithe 10% and then they put half in savings in their piggy banks and they may spend the other half.  They start on Sunday with the following amounts : Foster $7.00; Katie $6.00; Theodore $4.00 and Parker gets a quarter to put in his bank so he doesn’t feel left out.

They can get fines through the week (from .10 – .25) for multiple prompts, breaking house rules, bad attitudes, etc.  They are able to earn a .25 bonus if they can say our memory verse for the week. 

Foster and Katie used their commission after the movie to play a couple of video games and air hockey.  Theodore bought a huge box of M&M’s (which took all his money) before the movie started. This outing offered many “educational” moments dealing with getting change, how many quarters to play a game, what happens when you put your money in and the game just doesn’t work, and finally, bartering. Theodore offered to give Katie some M&M’s for .50 so that he could play a game. 

Our kids aren’t just handed money any time they ask.  However, we want them to learn how to give, save and spend.  We want them to know the joy of tithing, the joy of buying a gift for a friend, the pain of losing money or paying for repairs of something they have broken.  We want money to be REAL for them, not some abstract thing.  So we decided a commission for the work they do would be a good way to do that.  (Along with the birthday money they receive from relatives.) 

Anyone over 4 years old in our home is put to work.  We try to instill from an early age that as a family, we are a team.  If asked to clean up toys, I don’t need to know who made the mess or who cleaned it up last time.  I expect them to clean up the toys even if they haven’t played in that room. That’s part of working together and taking care of each other.  They wipe the kitchen table, sweep, empty small trashcans, sort and put away laundry, put clean dishes away and load the dishwasher, carry in groceries, carry out the bags of trash to the outside trashcan, clean up toys, vacuum, and anything else they are big enough to do.  They are a huge help, but more than that, they are more cognizant of the messes they make. They are able to feel a confidence and a belonging that comes from feeling needed and a part of a team. 

I do not feel like parents are doing their kids any favors if they don’t give them family responsibilities, if they wait on them hand and foot because they want them to be able to just “be kids.” Our society has created some selfish, lazy humans compared to past generations who had to help milk the cows, scoop manure, work in the garden, etc. 

Better get off this soapbox for now…..

Remorse

faith, parenting January 18, 2012 Comments: 2

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say,”For your sake we are killed every day; we are slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away.                                                    Romans 8: 35-38

A promise from God that I needed today.

Have you ever had one of those days? Where you let your emotions run over and you say ugly, hurtful things to your loved ones? Where all the little things that have been bothering you just explode in an ugly mess?

It happens all the time in the movies, people yell and slam doors and pitch fits.  But what happens after that?  The happy ending is shown, the parents hugging their kids, the husband and wife holding one another lovingly in bed.

What happens in real life is you have to humble yourself and apologize. You have to ask forgiveness from those you have hurt and then from God who was watching the whole time, wanting to love you, wanting to protect you from yourself but you just wouldn’t get alone with Him.

I’m human. I get hurt and feel unappreciated.  I have my own opinions about how things should go in our family.  But instead of praying about it, talking it over with God and calmly approaching my husband and children, I blew up. I was irrational and hurtful.

Of course, they said they forgive me. And I know that God forgives me, but the promise that I so needed today is that no matter what God loves me. No matter what trouble (even if it’s caused by me), no matter my fears or worries – NOTHING keeps God’s love away from me.

"NO! MY NOT WANT TO!"

parenting, Parker, Toddlers January 16, 2012 Comments: 2
Parker (2 yrs. 6 mos.)

Oh that magical age. You know the one. Where your child is starting to want to do all the important things by themselves.  Well, everything except take care of their own bodily functions.  Who needs a toilet when you can just go in your diaper anywhere you please?  Who needs a Kleenex when you can just let the snot flow into your mouth as you eat your snack?  Why cover that cough as you kiss your baby brother?  Those things should be handled by the grown-ups.

At the ripe old age of 2 1/2 – Parker would like to make all the decisions when it comes to what he eats, what he wears, where he sits, what he plays with, where we drive in the van, etc. And woe to the one who tries to have a different opinion.  I have had 3 children go through the 2 1/2 – 3 1/2 year so far and I don’t think it has made it any easier.  They wear you out.  Well, if you are trying to discipline them and want to turn them into decent humans that you are glad live in your family, then they wear you out.  The whole process does.

There are a few things that help with this age range.

First, always give choices.  Does that sound like you are giving the kid his way? Nope. Not at all. You just have to be sure that when you give choice A and choice B (no more than 2 for this age) that both A and B will have a parent approved end result. For example: Chris had guard duty last weekend and could not attend church with us.  Foster and Katie scampered off to their Sunday School classes, and I was left with Theodore, Parker and lugging Jonah in his car seat. We needed to cross a street to get from the parking lot to their building and Parker (smart fellow he is) decided he wasn’t about to go across the street because he knew I would be leaving him in his class.  I said “let’s go Parker.” And he said “No! My not want to!” I said in an upbeat voice, “Parker do you want to hold mommy’s hand or Theodore’s hand to cross the street.” He said “mommy’s hand.” HA! I got him! (It’s the small victories in life.)  The point is if you want your toddler to be compliant you need to get creative.

Second, if it’s cute once it’s always cute.  Don’t naively think that if your little boy pulls down his diaper and pees in the floor or your little girl dumps a bowl of cereal on her head that this is a one time entertainment for the family.  If you don’t want your kid to behave that way all the time then address the misbehavior immediately and with consequence. “No, little Johnny, we don’t pee in the floor – we pee in the potty. Now you clean up the mess and go sit in time-out.” Then, later, laugh with your hubby and post it on facebook. This can start very young. All of my babies have tried smacking at my face with their cute baby hands. I immediately grab their hand and say sternly “No, no hitting mommy. That’s not funny.” And it’s not cute either.

Third, be consistent.  I know you have probably heard that about parenting a million times but with this age consistency can be your greatest strength or your biggest weakness.  Children thrive on routine.  Everything is so new to them everyday that the consistency that you provide by responding the same way to their behavior is a comfort to them.  They get overwhelmed by all this new information and knowing what comes next, even when it may be a consequence is actually a relief.
We have some very basic house rules that even our little beginning walkers can understand. One of them is “No throwing toys or books.” If Parker throws a toy he goes to time-out. He sits there for 3 minutes (I round up) and then when the timer beeps I ask him “What did Parker do?” he usually says “my throwed toy” or “my don’t know.” I will say “we don’t throw toys. Our house rules say ‘no throwing toys.'” If he has hit anyone with the thrown toy he must go and apologize for hurting them.  If you have spent much time with toddlers, they throw toys a lot.  But even if he gets up and does it again in 5 minutes we go through the same routine.  Every. Time.

Yes, it can get tiring. The fruits of being consistent with your toddlers, though, are seen in your pre-schoolers and older children.  We like our kids, we enjoy being with them because we have invested the time in teaching them how to follow basic house rules and basic God rules.

Looks can be deceiving…

parenting, Theodore January 11, 2012 Leave a comment
Parents would never say that they have a favorite child.  We love them all the same right?  Well, I do love all my children.  I would throw myself in front of a moving bus for any of them.  However, I find that as they grow and have their own personalities and temperaments emerge that some of them are easier to “deal” with than others.  I am just being brutally honest here. 
I was am not a very patient person when it comes to certain behaviors.  When I worked at Blount County Children’s Home years ago there was this girl, we will call her N, she needed A LOT of attention.  She was a younger teen, so she was on my “wing.”  She would follow me around from the time my 10 hour shift started until room time.  She asked me no less than 20 questions an hour.  I was about to pull my hair out.  They weren’t necessary questions, she could have easily figured out the answers for herself or by asking one of her peers.  I finally made up an index card that she had to have signed off each time she asked staff a question.  I think she was allowed about 10 questions a shift.  Bless her heart. I know that this was just a form of anxiety and that she wasn’t purposely trying to drive us all crazy but we had to try and teach her.  This particular behavior was isolating her from her peers and my hope was that she would be able to get this “under control.”
It didn’t work. And all the things that I have tried with my sweet Theodore haven’t worked so far either.  All my kids so far have entered into a stubborn, willful stage at about 2 and it ends usually by 4.  I don’t know why they call it the “terrible twos” like this craziness is contained to just one year.  Theodore is so precious to us.  He has a wonderful sense of humor, he loves to cuddle and still wants daddy to carry him to bed.  He wants to be bigger and tries to keep up with Foster and Katie and any older child that is around. He is really smart. 
If you look at the picture above, or spend time with him, you would think “Oh this guy is the cutest, sweetest thing” and he is, but looks can be deceiving.  My biggest struggle with him right now is that he will not accept what Chris, myself or his siblings say about anything.  An example is if he asks to do something and I say “No, we will do that in a little while.” Or “not right now.” Or “after I feed the baby.” Or “after we put out this house fire.” You get the picture. It doesn’t matter what is going on in the world around him, he gets it in his head and it must be accomplished.  Granted he has now moved from throwing screaming fits to just asking over and over and over again, but that’s just as disobedient. It’s just as disrespectful to me or to his siblings who have told him no or wait. 
As you can imagine, because he has to wait or is told no he walks around like Eeyore most of the time.  Grumping and complaining. How do I get him to –
A) Be obedient and accept no for an answer
B) Appreciate all the great things he has in front of him (from food to toys) 
C) Care about what’s going on with others – not just focus on himself all the time?
Oh. Ouch. I have been praying about this and God just let me know that is exactly how I tend to act. I guess I will try harder to treat him how God treats me. With patience.

But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.
                                                                     1 Timothy 1:16