All the Little Grubbs

Since becoming a parent a little over 8 years ago, I have read numerous articles and books on how to be a successful parent.  My definition of successful parenting is that we don’t screw our kids up so badly that they have to spend years in therapy.

Of course, I also would love for them to dedicate their lives to God and serving others, have happy families of their own, have lucrative, fulfilling careers and a few exciting, rewarding hobbies. But I try to set the bar low, so then if they have any or all of those things in their future, I can be pleasantly surprised.

There are some new trends and catch phrases in parenting these days and I recently read this one that has to do with “free-range parenting”.

As I read, I kept thinking that while the idea may seem “new” it’s actually the way parents use to parent.  The main idea behind free-range parenting is you don’t keep your kids under your watchful eye ALL the time. Since we homeschool and I am with my kids 24/7, I try to make a concerted effort to get away from them as much as I can. That sounds pretty bad, but what I mean is that when I send them out to the backyard to play I try to stay out of their play as much as possible.

It isn’t healthy or necessary for me to be correcting every ugly thing they may do to one another as siblings or even to their neighbor friends. Kids do need the time and space to learn about relationships on their own. I have been letting my 8 year old climb a fence to play with our neighbors, who have a pool and a creek and lots of land to roam on, since he was 7 years old. I usually give him a watch and time to be back. He has always been back on time and that has given him a chance to earn my trust. Believe it or not, I have never even seen this neighbors property past their home.  I haven’t driven down the long driveway to check out the pool, the chicken coop, the creek  and the woods.

Are there things that could go wrong when Foster visits the neighbors? Of course, he could wreck his bike (that he mostly rides with no helmet) or he could drown in the pool. But I have to trust that he is making good choices and that God is caring for him. He has been hurt emotionally while out of my sight. But I realize that I can’t protect my kids from every uncomfortable thing in their lives. They have to have some space, so they can learn to navigate life on their own.

To me, free-range parenting doesn’t mean you let your kids run wild and never address negative behaviors, it means you let some of the consequences come naturally. If you punch your friend in the gut, you might get punched back. If you speak hatefully to your sibling, they probably won’t share their treat with you.

I’m not raising little robots who only know how to behave when I am around and controlling the situation. I am raising little people, who have free will and need a chance to exercise it.

What types of freedoms do you give your young children?