To spank or not to spank? That is the question.  Well, for parents it’s the question. One of the big ones.  There have been several child abuse related deaths in the news lately and one author of a parenting book has come under fire.  Their names are Michael and Debi Pearl and their book is To Train Up A Child.

I was really surprised to turn on the Today show last week and see that they were being blamed for at least 3 child abuse related deaths.  The connection being that the parents’ who abused and killed their children had that book on their shelves.

Ummm….I have that book.  I have read that book and actually have lent it out and recommended to a few friends (who have not abused or murdered their children). I picked it up in Florida at a little Creationism dinosaur museum when Foster was 4, Katie 3 and Theodore 14 mos.  I could really appreciate the scripture and practical ideas in this book.  And I am sure I have used some of their methods over the past 3 years.
But – here’s the thing.  I was already spanking, using time-outs, etc. before I ever read that book.  I had read several parenting books, secular and Christian, by that time and Chris and I had come up with our own parenting style and methods of discipline.  I can remember the first time I had to spank Foster, it really broke my heart, but in my opinion was necessary. 

Chris was deployed to Columbia, Foster was 18 mos. old and I was 7 mos. pregnant with Katie.  I had already begun putting him in the “naughty spot” (Supernanny anyone?) But this day he was refusing to get buckled into his car seat. You know how they do, when they buck up and turn into stiff little straight boards and therefore you can’t get that lovely 5 point harness to snap. I started to try to smoosh him in by pushing on this stomach but then he would just howl louder and buck up more.  It was, I am sure, a ridiculous sight to behold, me with my huge belly bent in the door of our little station wagon, trying to convince a squirmy, screaming toddler into this device which was meant for his safety but was causing me to almost harm him in the process.  So I took a deep breath, took him out, pulled down his pants and whacked him 2 good licks on the leg right below his diaper. I told him in a stern tone, “It’s time to get in your seat.” And he did. Of course, he cried and sniffled but he GOT IN THE SEAT! I was so proud of my young mommy self. 

You know what though? We rarely had to ever spank Foster.  That’s just his personality, time-outs worked with him.  And Katie was/is very sensitive, so a harsh tone is usually enough with her.  Theodore is a different story and so is Parker.  Every child is so different in personality and temperament that as parents we have to continuously change how we handle things. Not inconsistency, but flexibility.  I can’t take another parent’s, doctor’s or pastor’s advice so literally or to the extreme that I damage the relationship with my own child.

This attack on Michael and Debi Pearl and their book reminds me of the lawsuits people have filed against fast food chains for making them fat.  It’s called personal responsibility.  No one is putting a gun to your head and making you eat one more Big Mac and no one, except the parents themselves, abused those children to death.