Category Archives: Top Ten Tuesday

top ten things I miss about my husband

daddy, marriage, Top Ten Tuesday January 22, 2013 Comments: 2

Deployments are hard. They are hard on the soldier, the spouse and the kids.

The top ten things I miss about my husband are:

  1. His smiles. Plural. Because you know the one you love has so many different smiles. The smile for the kids when he is eating pretend cake. The smile for me when he says “dinner was great, really.” The genuine smile later when he says “well, it could have used a little more seasoning.” The smile of desire. The smile of teasing. The little smile that gives away his white lie.
  2. His support. No marriage is perfect. No mate without blame or error. He may not always show it but when I need it, I know I have his support.
  3. His sour attitude.  Believe it or not, I miss being able to tease him out of a bad mood. I miss being able help him laugh it off. I miss being able to annoy him until he’s irritated at me instead of the situation that has him down.
  4. His sincerity. I miss his intensity when it comes to things that matter. God, me, his children.
  5. His strength. I can look at pictures of us when we were first dating and I remember those thoughts I had. Thoughts about how strong and tall he was. Eleven years later I know I was right, about his physical strength and his emotional strength. No hug feels like his.
  6. His spiritual leadership. I don’t expect my husband to pave a walkway from me to God. To me that is not what spiritual leadership is. He leads by example, whether it’s raw honesty about spiritual struggles or sharing of joys and triumphs, he shows me his relationship with God is real.
  7. His speaking to our kids. There are times when listening to Foster and his daddy talk about something is like watching a head-on collision. Neither of them are explaining well and neither are understanding the other. Most of the time, though, my husband delivers information to the kids in a way I never would have thought! He can remember and tell them all kind of facts from history, science, math or religion.
  8. His spanking our kids! For some reason (he doesn’t have to give spankings very often) just the thought of one from daddy is enough to straighten you right up. However, saying “we’ll see what daddy has to say about it when he gets home at 5:30” is much more intimidating than “we’ll see what daddy has to say when he gets home from halfway across the world in 144 days.”
  9. His sense of humor. You know how they say that after two people are together for so long they start to look alike? I think that’s true with their sense of humor, too. My husband is my buddy, we like to laugh together. We like to laugh at our kids, our families, sitcoms and ourselves. I just miss laughing with him.
  10. His sharing. When you’re married you share just about everything. I miss sharing the bed with him. I miss sharing stories from our day. I miss sharing our burdens and dreams and hopes. We have email and Skype but it’s not the same. I miss the kind of sharing that happens when you sit with a cup of coffee or drive down the road together.
This post is linked up with Top Ten Tuesday.

top 10 reasons I limit screen time

homeschooling, parenting, priorities, Top Ten Tuesday January 8, 2013 Comments: 3

I had this conversation with my unhappy 5 year old yesterday afternoon. 

Theodore: “Can I play my tablet?”
Me: “No, you’ve already had your screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I play Parker’s Leapster?”
Me: “No, Theodore, you can’t have any more screen time.”
Theodore: “Can I watch Foster play his tablet?”
Me: “No, Theodore, no more screen time.”
Theodore: “That’s not screen time.”
Theodore: “Wait, what is screen time?”
Me: “If the t.v., tablet, computer, Wii or Leapster are on and you are looking at it – that is screen time.”

My top 10 reasons for limiting screen time for my kids:

  1. Screen time is like crack (or meth, or nicotine or caffeine).  The more my kids have, the more they want.  They’ll do anything for a fix. When they’re on it, the house could be on fire (or the baby could be crawling on top of a table about to knock over a lamp) and they wouldn’t even notice.   
  2. Their world shrinks. Like I said in point number one, they block everything and everyone else out. They don’t answer questions, they don’t interact with the real people that are all around them. Even worse, if they take the screen out of the house with them they miss out on things like seeing scenery, watching me break the speed limit (not that I would do that) or having a conversation.
  3. It keeps them from being bored. Yes, I actually do want my children to be bored. I want them to feel boredom and then when they are tired of that feeling they are self-motivated to do something.  In my house, if I hear you say “I’m bored” I help you out of your dilemma with additional school work or a chore.
  4. It turns their brains to mush. I won’t be quoting any scientific research here today to back that up. But I know there is a lot of it because I read all about it in my social work and psychology classes in college. More than other’s research, I depend on my own. I can tell a HUGE difference in how muddled my kids’ brains get when they have spent hour upon hour with their eyes glued to a screen.
  5. They form unrealistic expectations. My 8 year old son got a tablet for Christmas from his grandad. One of the apps is some sort of racing game where you are chased by the police.  As we were sitting in traffic the other day, running late (as usual) Foster says “Mommy you should just bash into the car ahead of us and run the red light.” Which then prompted a conversation about why that probably wouldn’t be the wisest choice to our dilemma.
  6. It feeds their already impatient nature. Playing a game on a screen is so much different than playing with an actual board and pieces and other real human beings. When you make a good move, we might say “hey, good job” but you aren’t going to see fireworks in our living room. And if you make a mistake and have to go back to the beginning, you don’t get to blast your way back to the lead by using your “secret super rocket blaster”. You actually just hang out in last place for a few turns and it doesn’t feel so great.
  7. They forget it’s a privilege. Screen time is something that has a special time and place so that we remember what a privilege it is. If they were able to just turn on the t.v or start playing the Wii or tablet anytime they wanted to, they would start taking it for granted, feeling as though they “deserve” it.
  8. It’s a way to hide out (or a social crutch). Most of these top tens we, as adults, could apply to ourselves. This one is especially true. A couple of years ago, my son had a friend over for the first time.  This young boy had no idea how to play.  He had watched so much t.v. and played so many video games that when faced with an offer to play “war” in the backyard, he was at a loss. Adults will do this. They will leave the t.v. on when they have company over as a way to “fill the silence”. They will keep texting on their phones while they are having one on one conversations instead of having to deal with an awkward moment.
  9. It’s not as educational as we try to make it. When my husband deployed to Iraq 5 years ago, I had a not quite 3 year old boy, a 16 month old girl and was pregnant.  When the 3 year old decided he wouldn’t be needing his afternoon nap anymore, I thought I would have a break down. Thankfully, we had cable (one of the only times in our marriage we did) which meant we had Nick Jr! All good things come from the Lord, right? I would stick him in front of that t.v. every afternoon so I could lie on the couch and rest before the toddler was up and we faced the next 6 hours of our day. I would rationalize with myself about how “educational” all those shows were, but really, it’s just electronic babysitting. Which bring me to reason #10…
  10. I know I would abuse it. I have suffered countless hours of mommy guilt for all the screen time that I have allowed my little darlings.  I know, I know, guilt is useless but it comes with being a mom.  I have to limit screen time because otherwise every. single. time. one of my kids said “Mommy can I watch t.v.?” I would probably cave in and say yes. I’m trying to homeschool 3 children which leaves my 3 and 1 year old sons with a lot of time on their hands. So when I am trying to explain multiplication to my 8 year old and the 3 year old is screaming and yelling and whining about watching “Mater!!!!!” I really, really, really want to say “OK!” but instead I say “no screen time until after lunch”. It’s really hard. But I love my kids and I don’t want their brains to turn to mush, even if I have to sacrifice my brain in the process.

Top Ten Tuesday at Many Little Blessings

top ten reasons NOT to join a homeschool co-op

homeschooling, Top Ten Tuesday November 27, 2012 Comments: 3

 
Whether you are a beginning homeschooler or seasoned pro, you probably have an opinion about homeschooling support groups (often called a co-op). 
 
Here are my top ten reasons you should NOT join a homeschool co-op.
 
  1. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING PAID. A homeschool support group is usually completely run by volunteers (aka: other homeschooling parents).  If you are looking for a professionally, smoothly run organizational hierarchy of power that will hear your concerns and then quickly change the way things are handled, you’ve come to the wrong place.  These moms, dads, grandparents, guardians have children in their homes that they are striving to educate and they take time away from their own families, jobs, etc. to volunteer to make the support group work.
  2. NOT EVERYONE THINKS LIKE YOU DO. Just because you have decided to homeschool does not mean that every homeschooling family thinks like you do.  The exponential growth of homeschooling in the past few years is due in part to what “homeschooling” looks like to different families.  Traditionally, people expect homeschool families to have mom at home, dad at work, 4 or more kids working diligently at little desks, evangelical Christians and conservative (read: Republican) views. In reality, you will be in a homeschool co-op with any number of different families.  It might be a mom with one child or a mom with 8.  It may be a mom who works from home or a mom who works outside the home. It may be a family with internationally adopted kids or ones with special needs. It may be a Jewish family or a liberal family.  It may be a family who believes in Creationism or one who believes in evolution.
  3. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES YOUR CHILD WILL MAKE FRIENDS. A homeschool support group will have plenty of opportunities to get your child involved with similar ages and grades as your kids.  There are once a week enrichment classes, American Heritage Girls, Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, homeschool gymnastics or swimming classes, just to name a few.  Like any friendship though, it will take time for your child to build relationships.  Don’t expect to sign up for enrichment classes and your child to come home with a new best friend the first day.  Children tend to build relationships with other children that they are around often (like church, neighborhood, sports teams, etc.).  We have to consistently provide them with those opportunities if we expect them to have blossoming friendships.
  4. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES YOUR CHILD WILL MAKE FRIENDS THAT YOU LIKE.  Feeling as though this is redundant? Well, the flip side to your kid not making friends is that they could pair up with a boy or girl whose family just isn’t a fit with your family.  At that point, you have to decide how that friendship will proceed or IF it will proceed.  We can’t be so close-minded that we don’t want to be friends with people of a different background or faith.  We also can’t be so blind as to be friends with people who are growing recreational drugs in their back lot. It’s all about balance.
  5. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS. Ouch! What do you mean? Aren’t we all just homeschooling moms? Can’t we all just get along? Ummm…nope.  Like the time it takes your children to build relationships, so also it takes grown-ups time to find their “group” of buddies.  To someone just coming in it may appear “cliquish” (or “cluckish”) but in reality these folks have been together awhile. Whether they were co-workers 11 years ago, go to the same the church now, or have been in co-op since their kids were wearing pull-ups, they have history.  Every year, as I said before, homeschooling is growing. More than likely you are not the only new person in a co-op that school year or semester.  Reach out and say things like, “Hey my name is Susie Q and I’m new to this crazy scene.”  There IS a guarantee that you will find someone who will respond to that genuine remark.
  6. THIS ISN’T YOUR CHURCH. Please don’t join a co-op assuming that you will be free to make blanket statements such as, “People who don’t go to xyz church are going straight to hell.”  Some support groups will have their members sign a “statement of faith” but this isn’t to be sure that only Pre-Millennial Backwoods Resurrected Holy Ghost church members are allowed in.  It’s more of a “we believe in God, not Satan worshipping, so if you do too, that’s cool” type of statement.
  7. THIS ISN’T A CHURCH (OR A GOVERNMENT AGENCY).  A homeschool support group typically has a board of members (volunteers) and a few other folks in leadership positions to keep things running smoothly.  There is not a preacher/minister/pastor for you to go to when your feelings are hurt.  There isn’t a complaint report for you to file when you get let down by fellow members. Homeschool support groups operate under the idea and belief that because we have proclaimed ourselves mature enough to educate our own children, that we can also handle our own petty grievances how we see fit.  Don’t like the group? Find another.  Don’t like what that teen is wearing? Pull them aside and politely remind them of the dress code.  Don’t like that the toddler is unrolling whole rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom unsupervised? Step one: clean it up. Step two: Find it’s momma or daddy and give a report of the behavior. Step three: WALK AWAY.
  8. A CO-OP MEANS WE COOPERATE. I know. I’m so profound. A huge part of a homeschool co-op are the enrichment classes.  Almost all classes are taught by homeschooling parents and each semester a wide variety of classes are offered.  However, co-op classes are not meant to be a substitute for teaching your child things you don’t want to take the time to teach them.  I’m not a big science person, my type A personality breaks down when I don’t have all the ingredients needed for the project and then when we do take the time and the experiment is a flop I feel like screaming and throwing something.  Needless to say, I won’t be the one to volunteer to teach co-op science classes.  I will be the one to sign my kids up for anything remotely related to science so that I can supplement at home with great science read-alouds and field trips. Have there been semesters when I’ve looked at the classes offered and though “awww man, the classes we need aren’t being offered or it won’t work out with our schedule”?  Of course, but I don’t have the right to pitch a hissy fit about it. A more constructive way is to go up to that member that you know rocks and loves science (or art, or literature) and say “hey, have you thought about using your awesome gifts to teach a class on _____ ? Maybe I could be your inept but willing assistant.”
  9. MEMBERSHIP DUES COME WITH A PRICE. Believe it or not, that $16 a year that you pay to be a member of a homeschool co-op is not enough to pay for all the jobs that need to be done to get a huge group of families and kids together once a week. Jobs like nursery, cleaning up, setting-up for lunch, cleaning up, hall monitoring, manning the front table (aka: the info hub), cleaning up, assisting teachers, cleaning up, bathroom monitor and so on all are VOLUNTEER positions.  Just scale this down to your own family or your family and one other.  Picture getting together for a play-date or educational project. Let’s say there are 7 kids between you. After a few hours, the things that need to be cleaned up and taken care of are pretty hefty.  Now multiply that by 100.  And it’s all day. And we are using a FREE church facility. So if you pay your fee and think you’re done, you are wrong, you really just paid for someone to tell you how you can do your part.
  10. YOU WILL BE SUPPORTED EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T ASK FOR IT.  If you don’t want to have a group of people who will make you meals when you have a baby, babysit your babies when your husband is in the hospital, pray for you and ask how you are, then a homeschool co-op is not for you.  Without even knowing it’s happening, when you need it the most, you are surrounded by a group of people who want to help you deal with all the crap that goes down in life.  Because they have dealt with it, too. Our support group has brought us meals, prayed for us, babysat for FREE, emailed, called, given us gifts, encouraged us, uplifted us all without request.  In other words, they have been our SUPPORT.
 
 
Top Ten Tuesday at Many Little Blessings