One thing I have realized in the short 9 years I have been a parent is that, like many things in life, you must be willing to evolve.
This is easier for some personalities than others. If you have a type A personality (as both my husband and I tend to have) it makes evolving that much harder.
Another thing that makes changing difficult is the outside pressures all around you.
In church this past Sunday the pastor called everyone who was age 22 and under to come up on the stage. He was relating to the congregation the importance of ministry to young families, children, etc.
Jonah, Parker and Theodore were in their nursery classes, so that left Foster and Katie to go up.
As soon as he made the announcement, Katie bounced right up and headed to the front of the church.
Foster inched closer to my side. I think I could actually see him shrinking. I could tell he didn’t want to go without him saying a word.
I didn’t want to tell him to go, but I knew I “should”. After all, the pastor had made a request and every other child was going. Our following exchange went like this:
Me: (in a hushed, calm tone) “Go on up there Foster.”
Foster: (in a hushed, bewildered tone) “Why do I have to?”
Me: (in a hushed, forceful tone) “Go now, Foster, because he wants all of you up there.”
Foster: (in a hushed, pleading, frantic tone) “But why, it doesn’t matter if I go up there. He doesn’t need me up there.”
Then the window had passed. All the other kids and young adults were on the stage and the pastor was speaking.
I had several emotions going on. First, I was uncomfortable that the people around me could see my kid didn’t go with the crowd. Second, irritation and a little angry that Foster didn’t just “obey” me. Third, shame that I had tried to bully my own son into doing something that in 20 minutes wouldn’t matter anyway.
Have you ever felt uncomfortable, irritated, angry and ashamed about a situation?
Do you know which emotion is more powerful and least selfish?
Yep. Shame. There was no reason I should have tried to push Foster to do something that was so inconsequential in the grand scheme of life, yet so detrimental to his emotional well being and our relationship.
All the Little Grubbs 