Sometimes I feel like I have some sort of split-personality disorder.  I get jealous.  I get jealous a lot.  And then I repent about feeling jealous and am overcome with gratitude for what God has blessed me with. The insanity goes something like this, organized by different categories because I like to organize.

House: I have a lot of friends and family members who have bigger houses than we do, newer homes that don’t have mustard yellow countertops and gold laminate floors in their kitchens.  Houses that have more than 1 toilet.  Houses that they own – so they can paint or pave their driveway because they don’t rent.

Clothes: I have probably spent less than $300 on clothing for my 5 children this past year.  My kids wear hand-me-downs, consignment and yard sale clothes and shoes for the most part. And don’t get me started about me, I am sitting here in pajama pants that Chris bought me about 6 Christmases ago.

Experiences: My kids don’t go to Disney World. They don’t go to the movies every weekend. I don’t think they have ever set foot in West Town Mall.

Physical Appearance: I have friends who are all fit and trim, like I was for the first 25 years of my life. I also have friends who get their hair cut and highlighted on a regular basis. I may even know a few people who get manicures and pedicures.

So as I muse over all I don’t have, God has two ways of getting my attention.

There’s that still small voice you hear about “Annette, look at how I have blessed you with a warm, affordable home. Your children are clothed, I have allowed them to experience the important things in life.”

And there’s those times where he sort of smacks me on the back of the head with “ANNETTE. Really? Please. The majority of the human race does not know where their next meal or clean drink of water is coming from or how they will stay warm tonight.  Children all over the world do not own even one pair of shoes! Millions have never even heard MY NAME or will ever be able to come to MY HOUSE to worship.”

This is where I cry out and ask God to forgive me!

For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do.                                  
                                                                                                                                   ^{Romans 7:18 & 19}